Doing what you SHOULD, or what you WANT?

I should take that job...

I should work full time...

I should move sideways to another department to gain experience...

I should commute into the office...

I should go to that meeting...

Should should should.

Why? Times change. Companies are recognising that they need to empower their staff. 

A lot of us are wired to be people pleasers. If someone gives you advice, you typically want to take it. You don't want to be seen as ungrateful when someone has offered you an opportunity. 

We also enforce a lot of should's on ourselves. We want to do the right thing. Sometimes the right thing for other people isn't in our best interests and isn't what we really want.

If you're not careful, you end up going through the motions. Working for years for the same company, in the same field, without really checking in to see if it's what you want. (If you ARE checking in and still love it, excellent work).

When I help clients to identify what they want for their next career move, this is often a barrier we have to work through. So this week, here's 3 tips to check that you're getting the outcomes YOU want:

1) Pay attention to the language you're using (both your internal thinking and your external conversations). If you hear yourself saying the word 'should', notice it. Check why it is a 'should'. Is it a signal from you that it's not really what you want?

- Work out why you're using the phrase 'should'. Do you think that other people will think less of you if you quit law to work in a bar? Or that people will judge you if you order the burger for dinner when they're eating salads? 

There's different techniques for working this out - worrying what other people will think is the most common example. To be honest, most people are actually thinking about themselves - not you!

- Try to use phrasing like 'I want', 'I will', 'I can'. Should is an energy killer. You should take the bins out. You should get the train home instead of taking an Uber (me). Decisive language creates energy. Should doesn't mean you're going to do something - it means that there is something holding you in indecision. 

It serves you better to make a decision, frame it clearly 'I will do x' and then move on. 


So I don't think you 'should' do anything. Lets remove it from our vocabulary. You are making a series of choices. Check they're right for you and talk confidently about what you want. If you're unsure what that is, I have space to start working with 2 clients in December and can help you get a jump start on what you want to achieve in 2018. 

End the year with clarity - e-mail me back and let me know what you want to achieve next year. I'd love to hear your plans.