Don't let someone else's opinion become your reality

We often take other people's opinions about us to heart. It's hard not to.
You know the warm glow you get when someone praises you? Says what a great job you've done. Generally you'll start to smile, feel a surge of 'happy', get a nice content feeling (and maybe flushed cheeks from a little embarrassment from the surprise :)

Or the opposite. Someone tells you you've done something wrong, or you didn't get the job. You get a sinking feeling in your chest or stomach, your mouth feels dry, you're trying hard to keep a poker face (or a 'I can handle constructive feedback' face).

Remember that in this moment, they are often expressing an opinion. It's their opinion so it may or may not be factually correct. I always encourage listening and asking for examples when you're receiving feedback to help you understand what went well and what didn't. These kinds of conversations are great - we need honesty to improve.
 

But what isn't good, is linking your sense of self-worth to what other people think of you. 
It's dangerous.

You experience you all the time. You know your intentions (which were likely good). No one else is in your head. No one else will understand you like you do. So giving them the power to control your level of self belief and confidence doesn't make sense. But we do it all the time!
 

Don't let someone else's opinion determine your reality.

How can you protect your self-belief?
- learn from your mistakes to avoid repeating them
- listen to feedback so you know how to improve
- keep a confidence list - facts about your qualifications and experience you know to be true
- keep a record of positive feedback e.g. a 'well done me' folder in your inbox. If you've had a knock, read your accomplishments

The key is to not over-rely on other peoples opinions, if there's a risk it could limit or hold you back. E.g. they say you're not quite ready for that promotion. Is that really true? What are the facts and evidence? Don't let this knock your self-belief, try one of the tactics above to keep your aspirations on track. 

You know what you're capable of. So take responsibility for your own positivity and momentum. And remember that we all make mistakes all the time. They don't define us. We dust off and try again - our reality is ours for the making.

Let me know if this resonates. Interested to hear any other tips you have for staying in your own lane and trusting yourself.